I know your in a better place, but I wish that I could see your face.
I know your where you need to be, even though it's not here with me!

......5 years has gone by so fast. You were my best friend, we were two peas in pod. I wish you were

still around, I wish you could've seen me graduate and so much more. A lot of things have changed since you've been gone.. But, I knew it was your time to leave us, and finally reunite with your husband again after 31 years. Your the reason why I know so much about Alzheimer's Disease, and wouldn't want to wish it on anyone. Your the reason why I support it with everything and volunteer every chance I get. I love and miss you SO MUCH!!!!!!
More then words can ever explain. Rest in Peace, Nana Ronnie.

♥ 1-8-28 ~ 9-19-07 ♥

What is your favorite way to spend a day of leisure?

Leisure is a tricky beast. Not only is it more and more difficult to acquire set times for leisure as you age, but there is also an added pressure of what you're "supposed" to be doing with that time.

When you were a kid, life was leisure time. Even school was play. You found ways to make everything you did matter to you in a way that it didn't matter to anybody else. The adult world is on the opposite spectrum. Everything you do matters, just not necessarily in a way that matters only to you. Tack on the fact that now as an adult you have this prevailing sense of your own mortality, the aging process seeming to crescendo toward the speed of light before your very eyes, and all of a sudden leisure time is "Am I spending every moment of my life as wisely as possible?"

Never before had I experienced stress during due to free time. I'd experienced stress due to boredom for sure, but utilizing the small amount of free time given to us as adults has become like deciding what to get from the grocery store when you're starving. You don't know what to do! You spend that couple hours thinking, "I should work on my novel," or "I should do my art," or "I should go for a run", or wash the dishes, do the laundry, etc. etc. Before you know it, that couple hours of free time is suddenly gone, and you've...or maybe it just me...spent it doing nothing.

I read an article recently about how doing nothing is brilliantly underrated. It highlighted the benefits of putting all thoughts and goals aside and literally just enjoying doing nothing at all in order to break away from the stigma of this country. That stigma being: If you're not being productive at all times, you could very well be considered lazy, a waste, or non-contributing.

That article had a lot of things right, but it was missing something. Only very, very recently, I'm talking less than a week ago in my almost 28 years of existence on this earth, did I learn what it meant to enjoy your free time, or as the title question puts it, "spend your leisure time".

I was a part of charity art auction on a Saturday night. It was a huge deal for me. It was huge because writing used to be the biggest part of my life, so big that it had defined who I was in every social circle. Whether they knew me as the novelist or the screenplay or more stylishly "the wordsmith", I was known for that. In recent years, however, I had struggled with writing and the joy it used to bring me. It took me a decent amount of in my twenties to discover another passion and bring with it enough talent to get people to notice. For once I didn't have to say I was a writer. I could say I was an artist, because I was putting together, in my humble opinion, really wonderful pieces of digital paintings. I'd found another niche for myself, and it felt great. It felt greater than great. At a time in our lives when everybody has their THING, whether it be getting engaged, married, having a child, traveling, a massive twitter following, an iron grip on social media, buying a house, anything...you yearn for something to make you stand out. You yearn to make yourself visible in a world where it seemed every day, somebody else was being congratulated for something else. At least, that's how I viewed the world at the time. This was MY thing. For once I had something I was proud of that I could celebrate, that was different from what everyone else was doing.

That didn't matter though. Because nobody came to the event. Well, two people did. One was a good friend of mine who I've recently reconnected with and also had some art in the auction, and one other long time friend who came to support. Unfortunately, I was so disappointed and saddened by the fact that none of my family, and none of the dozens of close friends I'd advertised this event to for weeks had showed up, that I could hardly appreciate the two of them being there.

My moment was crushed. The next day was Sunday, a day where I had nothing but "leisure" time scheduled. I had a feeling I'd be spending a lot of that leisure time very sullen.

It didn't happen that way.

I was somber, for sure, so I did something that I never do, and I shut my phone off. It wasn't because I was mad at the world, because I wasn't. That was the key component to all this. I shut it off because I realized the reason I was so disappointed last night didn't lie in the instance of having no friends show up. It was embedded in my disappointment of receiving no praise for something that made me proud. I expected the others to give me the joy of seeing my art hanging up somewhere that wasn't my apartment instead of giving the joy to myself. I had realized then that my phone was the chief enabler of this habit. Each day, every day, I check it, in hopes that someone is contacting me for something, so I will feel needed, wanted, valuable in some way. So shutting off the phone was hard. Disconnecting myself from the drug of validation was hard. But it was required.

I didn't just shut off my phone. I stayed offline. Off Facebook, off twitter. I entered complete radio silence in order to be with myself and with my emotions. Then I ran. Like Forrest Gump, I RAN.

Ten miles to be exact. I'd never run that far in my life, not even half that far, but I had so much emotional energy that I just had the urge to keep going. I'm not so sure I would've gone so far if I was hoping my phone would buzz with an email, text, or call to distract me. It even brought me two moments, moments much smaller in scale that the art auction, but much grander in scope when it came to what truly mattered. At mile 8, I was getting too thirsty to keep going, but I wanted to go to mile 10. I stopped into a Pizza shop near my apartment, one I frequent, and explained my situation while out of breath. I told the guy behind the counter, "Hey man, I'm in here all the time, I've got no cash on me, I just ran 8 miles, I want to run 10, and I was wondering if you could just give me some water."

The man through his fist up in the air and told me to take a bottle of water from the fridge before cheering me on as I ran out the door. All of a sudden, I had another burst of energy from his act of compassion. Not soon after that, a pretty girl running toward me, seemingly in a similar situation to my own, saw me pushing forward with my water. She smiled at me, one of the most genuine smiles I'd received in a long time, and gave me the thumbs up as we passed. I smiled back at her. It was the best part of my day.

Two complete strangers from tiny acts of compassion provided me with more joy than all the recognition I expected the evening before.

After my run, feeling quite satisfied and proud for achieving something I'd never done before, I reflected on those two moments of compassion. I know for a fact that I would've felt great had those two things not occurred, but they truly were icing on the cake. True compassion, as much as people say it's a quality they have, is tough to come by. I'd not only experienced it then, but it made me want to do things that would cause others to experience it.

The only way I could do that was to learn to validate myself, without the need for others. And even without the compassion of others. It needed to come from a place within that I hadn't found yet, but caught a glimpse of during that run.

I spent the rest of the day reflecting. Meditating. My phone remaining off.

And now that's what I do with my leisure time. Writing, drawing, hanging with friends, all the pleasantries of life, those are important for sure, but they come with a price if you aren't sure of yourself inside. Those ARE leisure time, IF you understand what it means to be leisurely.

So for now...I spend my leisure time in radio silence. Reflecting. And learning to love all that I am inside, so I am able to offer the world moments of compassion that will leave lasting impressions on their lives.

Review: Inbox Dollars

Okay, everyone.. I have a review for you all today! It isn't beauty related I apologize. It is on a website, I've been making money on, for about 2 years now. It is a legitimate website, and it actually pays you. I thought I would let you all know about this great website!! I figured, everyone loves to make a little bit of extra money, it isn't much, you can make a total of $30.00's before they allow you to request a check. They take out about 2 dollars, so they can ship it to you. You can wait, until you reach $40.00's, and then request a check, and, they won't take anything out then. I am a  gold member, I believe after 3 checks... they upgrade you for free, to a gold member. It is even free to join!! They give you $5.00's for FREE just for signing up, which is always nice. I was a little skeptical at first when I started using this, but there are MANY ways to make money. By doing survey's, of course, get paid to read emails (and confirm them) by watching video advertisements (no longer then 2 min. long videos!) You can even  get paid to play games! (Down side is you have to enter in a  credit card number, but once you earn a certain amount of points, a certain percentage goes to your Inbox Dollars account, so you can get paid to do them. Then, you make the points in the Inbox Dollars Game Store, and.. after a certain amount, it's been awhile so I forget exactly, you can request either gift certificates, or gift cards! You can also request like $5.00's, $10.00's, ect. back in.. so you can play games, with the money they give you, Instead of using your credit card. I didn't like that very much, personally. Games are very fun though, easy, and addicting!! The down side to all of this, is when you first sign up (before you reach the gold member account, for free) you have to wait awhile, to receive your check, so it can go through processing and all.You even have to wait awhile, for the gift cards, gold member or not! Once you reach the gold member, award, and they award you for free to become a gold member, there is more benefits. You get a little more money off the % of referrals you make! (Like, having people joining the site through YOU so they can make money as well!!) Also, you can get paid to even use coupons. Which is always great, because if your at Wal*Mart, ACME, Giant, or any grocery store, and you want to buy a certain kind of paper towel, or yogurt, you get paid to use the coupon. So, 1: You'll be saving when you buy! and, 2: you actually make money off of just using the coupon. Like I said... it isn't much, you get paid like 2 cents, for reading emails, watching videos, and ect. With Surveys, you can make up to I believe $5.00's or MORE!! Everyone is different though, you can make money either quickly, or slowly on this site.. just depending on how much you do, in so little time. Or, what you do, even! You have to qualify for the surveys, so if you qualify, and they accept you to take it, you could be making some good money. They are looking for certain age groups, people, ect. to take the surveys, so, if your not making money quickly on it, I wouldn't suggest being discouraged. There will be more, coming your way! There is a lot to learn on the site, So, if you don't believe me, just click here, and sign up yourself.

http://www.inboxdollars.com/?r=ref7823400

^^ That is the link, just sign up, use a legit. Email, your going to have to confirm your account, in your email. It is worth it in the end, and you can even track how much earnings you make!! I know this kind of sites, aren't for everyone. I just do it in my spare time, when i'm bored, also when I want to make some extra cash, I usually just try and save all the money I make on here, since it isn't much. I just wanted to share with you all. I figured, everyone little bit counts... right? You can even, enjoy it! It isn't hard to really even do. Anyone can sign up!! Just read everything, it will explain much more in depth, as to what I told you all, I just went over the basics. I approve of this site, this is the one survey/ect. site, I will actually trust 100%!! It is time consuming, you just have to have patience, and it will give you something to do if your bored, and you will make money out of it in the end! You can cash out, like I said, if you make up to $30.00's or more, then you can cash out whenever you want! I (think) it's been awhile, but after I believe, your 3rd check, they will let you have the option to upgrade and become a gold member, for free. You don't have to enter your credit card or anything, to become a gold member!! You get better benefits out of it (not much, but some extra) and it will  become more fun then, and after you become a gold member, you can receive your check within a week, and not a month, or longer!! Which, is always nice too. I really like that option, because they don't have to process it or anything then.

I hope you all can check it out, I like it. I hope you all do too! If any of you do end up signing up, please let me know what you think of it. =)

Have fun, and Happy Earnings!!!!!


xoxoxo

~~ Miss Maxine ~~

Collecting Donations for Alzheimers Disease!

Hey everyone! I am collecting donations for Alzheimers Disease!!
I am part of AFA Teens (Alzheimers Foundation of America) and, I am hoping for all of your help. My goal is to ear $100.00 dollars, in cash for this horrible disease. I could recieve more, like some people collect thousands, but I am only asking to collect $100.00! You can submit any amount you want, anything from $2.50 and above, i’m really not asking for much.

My grandmother passed away from this horrible disease back in September of 2007. She was my best friend and I miss her everyday. I honestly wouldn’t want to wish this on anyone, not even a snake. It is not fun, visiting a family member, and them forgetting your name,  their name.. and, even  the fact that they just went to the bathroom 5 minutes ago, or that they have eaten.

It’s really sad. All I honestly hear is “Cancer this.. Cancer that.” Yes, many people get Cancer, but Alzheimers is one of the top 10 leading causes of death in the U.S. It is ranked as number 6 of causing leading deaths. It isn’t just a part of “aging” people as young as 40 can even get this. With Cancer, you can at least treat it.. and, in some cases, if it is found early on, you can treat it, and even beat it. With Alzheimers, all you can do is take some medicine to slow the progression of it. Which is just making it a long-drawn out process. If we could find a cure for this disease, it would be great.

I can’t even explain how sad it is to watch someone you love, totally lose it. I remember my grandmother used to forget if she went to the bathroom, or if she has eaten. Sometimes, she forgot to even feed her self, for DAYS, and we can’t watch her 24/7, I went to school, my parents worked, ect. We would stop by, and we would cook, and it would be like her last meal. Then, when we found out she had Alzheimers, she only stayed one year at her home. We had to get her into an assistant living, god forbid she fell down the steps, to her basement or something, and got hurt. We would’ve never forgiven ourselves.

It isn’t fun losing anyone in general, honestly. It’s very very sad. All the good times, the memories… that is all you can hold on to. With Alzheimers Disease, unlike you and I, they lose that ability to remember, short term, or long term. Some type of memories, will go. Memories are precious, so please just take 2 minutes out of your day for me, and donate. It can be as little as 25 or 50 cents, any little bit counts.

Thank you to anyone in advance if you do donate. and, god bless. You can follow this link, where it shows a picture of my grandmother and I on my 15th (which was Christmas) and, it was our last Christmas together. Yes, I was very young going through something as heart breaking as this Disease, I miss her till this day, and I am now 20. I hope you hear back from all of you, and remember if anyone ever needs the favor in return I would be gladly to help. Also, in return.. if anyone donates as much as $5.00’s in return, I will be gladly to make you a FREE Alzheimers Ribbon Keychain, and I will ship it out to you. (It doesn’t have to be Alzheimers, it can be breast cancer, Autism, ect. Just let me know the colors, and I will work with you)

Thank you again everyone. and, if you did read this whole thing, god bless.
xoxoxoxo
~ Miss Maxine
Here is the link to anyone who would like to donate for this cause,  today!:

https://www.wepay.com/donations/alzheimer-s-awareness-donations

Happy 25th Birthday, Jesse McCartney!

Happy 25th Birthday to this handsome man named Jesse McCartney, at the top!!!! This picture was taken by me, back in June of 2007. It was the end of my freshmen year in High School.  B5 was also there, and so were the Jonas Brothers, when they first started out! It was a great summer, needless to say. I also went to a Plain White T's concert, with some friends, at my local mall, for FREE! And, I also saw The Beach Boys, down in Atlantic City. Jesse McCartney is my Celebrity Crush, my number 1 Celebrity Crush, at that! I may love other Celebritys, too. But, not as much as I love him! But, I went and saw him at the Wildwood Convention Center, with my parents. My dads paid one of the ushers, $100's... to get us to the 8th row. At first, they placed us behind these huge vending machines, and we couldn't see a thing! Before it even started, my mom went up to go get a snack, she got a pretzel, and, I believe I got a diet coke. On our way to  go up and get our snacks, I started to burst out in tears, when we were in line. I'm not one to really cry in front of people... so, I tried to make it look like I wasn't crying, and that I was okay. Someone had asked me if I was alright, because they saw me crying... my cover up? I said "i'm fine, i'm just allergic to my shirt!" ha! ha! It is so funny looking back. It was a great day for me. I bought two t-shirts, a keychain, and a few more items, they are all hung up in my room. I remember the day like it was yesterday. One of the best, I would love to meet him sometime. My life would be complete, I can't even describe the awesome feeling, of being able to breathe the same air as him.

I saw him before that, too. When I was in 3rd grade. I saw him with the boy band, Dream Street he was in, and I believe either 3LW or Dream, was there with him! I think that was when Chris Trousdale sang a song with Dream, for the first time. That was cool to see, as well. I went with school, actually! I became a fan though, of Jesse, when I was only 5 years old. Him starting out on all my children, then he was in sugar beats, then dream street, he had a show called summer land, he had a movie called keith, he appeared in some hannah montana episodes, and also was in the show greek, he also just recently came out with a new movie called beware of gonzo, and was in CSI. He sings.. acts, writes. He is all around amazing, and so down to earth! He isn't in trouble, like half of the celebritys are, that are his age, like Lindsay Lohan. He just keeps  to himself, and does his own thing! That is what I like the best about him!! I still can't believe how time is flown, and today he is turning 25. I feel old, just remembering all of this! My 13-year-old-inner-girl comes out today! I have no shame, i'm proud to say I am probably one of his oldest fans, and I have stuck by him through it all. Nothing is gonna ever change that, even through heartbreaks, he is the only guy that has never let me down, and his music says so much, and he is so inspiring, and he has stolen my heart. I love him and his beautiful soul! ;)

Everyday!

Hi everyone, so, i've been vlogging everyday. On my newest channel!! You can find my newest channel if you click here. I spoke about it briefly, on my main channel. Assuming, your following my blogspot, because you probably have found my blog site, from my main youtube channel, which is this one. Well, anyway.. that is beside the point, I am vlogging everyday in April! VEDA, BABY!!!! and, hopefully after April is done, I will be doing frequent videos. I plan to BLOG, now, everyday as well! I am not sure what I will be talking about. I know in the first place, it was just for anything beauty related, but I am a just well-rounded gal, and I enjoy talking about many different subjects. :-)

So, check back here, on my blog more often,  to find out always the latest news and gossip going on in my life. ;-D love you guys!

Hope your all having a WONDERFUL, Wednesday.

xoxoxo

~~ Miss Maxine ~~

Update!

Hey everyone! I apologize since I haven't written anything in awhile... but now I am! If you haven't seen my new video yet, please click here and do so:  Catch up with me!

Obviously, if you have already watched it you know that my life has been a little hectic lately.
My father has been in the hospital, yesterday was one week. I am not sure as of yet when he is coming out. I feel like a total asshole because I told everyone on facebook (all my friends and family) late Wednesday night, that he was coming home on Thursday, which was yesterday.. and, he didn't come home. I'm not going to update facebook, until he is OFFICIALLY home though! and, if anyone actually reads my blogs... well, you are all the first to know this. Beside from my father being in the hospital, i've been sick, and just keeping busy. This past year for me... deff. has had its UPS and DOWNS!! It's been one hell of a ride needless to say. I am trying my hardest though to hang tight, and keep my sanity!!! I'm just physically AND emotionally tired at this point. I always make time aside for myself, for others though... you should all know that. Making videos for you guys, blogging, friends, family, ect. Seems like lately, I haven't had any "ME" time, honestly!! But... this is my life, and I enjoy every aspect of it, it keeps me busy. There is never really a dull moment in my life.... even if I do complain on twitter of how bored out of my mind I am sometimes! ;D ha! ha! ha!!

I hope all of you are doing well, though!!!!! I am trying to get back into blogging and/or vlogging everyday, now. As soon as things calm down for me a little. I hope you all  understand. I have time... but sometimes your so busy, working, and or doing other things you can't look away, or step away for a min. because you never know what will happen! I try and compromise as much as possible though. At least I don't go months, and shut everyone out completely. Right?... :)

Since I am not there, physically..... i'm sending many HUGS your way!!!!!!!!!!

I'll talk to you all very soon!!!! Ta Ta!!!

xoxoxo

~~ Miss Maxine ~~